Comments on: a treatise on the trivial http://www.thedaysarepacked.com/2009/07/27/a-treatise-on-the-trivial/ for this Muslim-Lebanese-American-Mama-wife-writer-photographer-homeschooler as she juggles one big guy and two little ones. Wed, 03 Mar 2010 15:00:24 -0700 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9 hourly 1 By: Shawna http://www.thedaysarepacked.com/2009/07/27/a-treatise-on-the-trivial/comment-page-1/#comment-9239 Shawna Fri, 31 Jul 2009 14:32:41 +0000 http://www.thedaysarepacked.com/?p=1649#comment-9239 Sabrina--I actually am not okay with Noah using poor language towards other people. There's a quote that your right to freedom of speech ends when you begin to trample the rights of others. I just want to be sure Noah understands WHY he can't speak that way to others. Saying "because I said so" doesn't work for me. We try to talk to him about the Prophet, but that's a bit abstract for his age. We try to show him our own kindness, but it only takes one stressed moment or one potty-mouthed cartoon clip to undo what we've done. It's better to have a basis for him to say, "Wow. That was mean. See how that other cartoon is sad?" than for him to say, "He's not supposed to say that." The latter doesn't come with understanding of consequences other than, "If I do that, I get in trouble." It's a big thing and it's still on my mind. Another post may be upcoming. With regards to homsechooling--I want to set him up to succeed, so putting Noah in an environment that's intolerant of a phase he's going through would set him up to fail. However, the school director's response to my concerns was, "Is that all he's doing? Count your blessings. It's not a big deal." :) Vanessa--Thank you! I'd really like to know what you mean by "progressive." I'm very curious about the new types of schooling popping up. Especially with regards to my latest post. :) Sabrina–I actually am not okay with Noah using poor language towards other people. There’s a quote that your right to freedom of speech ends when you begin to trample the rights of others. I just want to be sure Noah understands WHY he can’t speak that way to others. Saying “because I said so” doesn’t work for me. We try to talk to him about the Prophet, but that’s a bit abstract for his age. We try to show him our own kindness, but it only takes one stressed moment or one potty-mouthed cartoon clip to undo what we’ve done. It’s better to have a basis for him to say, “Wow. That was mean. See how that other cartoon is sad?” than for him to say, “He’s not supposed to say that.” The latter doesn’t come with understanding of consequences other than, “If I do that, I get in trouble.”

It’s a big thing and it’s still on my mind. Another post may be upcoming. With regards to homsechooling–I want to set him up to succeed, so putting Noah in an environment that’s intolerant of a phase he’s going through would set him up to fail. However, the school director’s response to my concerns was, “Is that all he’s doing? Count your blessings. It’s not a big deal.” :)

Vanessa–Thank you! I’d really like to know what you mean by “progressive.” I’m very curious about the new types of schooling popping up. Especially with regards to my latest post. :)

]]> By: Vanessa http://www.thedaysarepacked.com/2009/07/27/a-treatise-on-the-trivial/comment-page-1/#comment-9182 Vanessa Wed, 29 Jul 2009 05:11:43 +0000 http://www.thedaysarepacked.com/?p=1649#comment-9182 I've been teaching at a progressive high school for a year now and here is probably the most important observation I've made about parent-child relationships: the better and more open and more respectful the communication is between parents and their children, the happier, more confident and more successful the child is. I know that seems so trite and obvious, but I can't tell you how many times I sat in on parent-teacher-student conferences and watched parents and kids try to communicate their feelings and needs and miss each other entirely, ultimately to the detriment of all of us. The kid, who feels as if their opinions and views and needs don't matter; the parents, who think they're failing as parents; and me, who has to listen and facilitate. And on the other hand, I've seen parents who genuinely listen to and respect their child and do their best to communicate their own views and lo-and-behold, general harmony is the result (eye contact, also, is extremely important). You seem like such a good cheerleader for your son(s), so in tune to who they are, that I can't imagine ANY school, even your worst possible kind of school, making them feel that they don't have allies to stick up for them. I don't mean to be a total Pollyanna, but look at what Noah's learning already: that in some situations, people will treat him differently than his parents treat him simply because he's a child, and the fact that he KNOWS that you've got his back and will listen to him and give him the appropriate freedom to express himself. What a great lesson! I wish I'd learned that at his age. Whether Noah's education comes from a mix of Montessori and homeschool, or if it's all homeschool, he's still going to be one amazing and creative thinker. I think the best thing I take from this blog is knowing how wonderfully you're raising your children and what stellar people they are and will become. Also, your recipes. I like your recipes! I’ve been teaching at a progressive high school for a year now and here is probably the most important observation I’ve made about parent-child relationships: the better and more open and more respectful the communication is between parents and their children, the happier, more confident and more successful the child is. I know that seems so trite and obvious, but I can’t tell you how many times I sat in on parent-teacher-student conferences and watched parents and kids try to communicate their feelings and needs and miss each other entirely, ultimately to the detriment of all of us. The kid, who feels as if their opinions and views and needs don’t matter; the parents, who think they’re failing as parents; and me, who has to listen and facilitate. And on the other hand, I’ve seen parents who genuinely listen to and respect their child and do their best to communicate their own views and lo-and-behold, general harmony is the result (eye contact, also, is extremely important). You seem like such a good cheerleader for your son(s), so in tune to who they are, that I can’t imagine ANY school, even your worst possible kind of school, making them feel that they don’t have allies to stick up for them. I don’t mean to be a total Pollyanna, but look at what Noah’s learning already: that in some situations, people will treat him differently than his parents treat him simply because he’s a child, and the fact that he KNOWS that you’ve got his back and will listen to him and give him the appropriate freedom to express himself. What a great lesson! I wish I’d learned that at his age.

Whether Noah’s education comes from a mix of Montessori and homeschool, or if it’s all homeschool, he’s still going to be one amazing and creative thinker. I think the best thing I take from this blog is knowing how wonderfully you’re raising your children and what stellar people they are and will become. Also, your recipes. I like your recipes!

]]> By: sabrina http://www.thedaysarepacked.com/2009/07/27/a-treatise-on-the-trivial/comment-page-1/#comment-9167 sabrina Tue, 28 Jul 2009 18:21:55 +0000 http://www.thedaysarepacked.com/?p=1649#comment-9167 I didn't read you yesterday,and I came here today, SPECIFICALLY to check in to see if you wrote about your thoughts on homeschooling -- awesome! Wow. It sounds like there is a lot to think of and consider before you make a decision. It sounds like preschool is a good idea for now -- especially for a boy-- because it will socialize him and teach him a little bit about the outside world -- away from play dates, and familiar faces of family. I get what you mean about school often having too many rules, but I was a little surprised about your take on language. You know that I don't have kids yet, but I'm really tough on my nieces and nephews about how they talk to each other, and the words they choose to use to express themselves. I mean, fine, I laughed at the Noah "butt" posts, but only because Noah couldn't see me;) I think that the language we use sets a standard for our behavior -- what we expect of ourselves, and what others expect from us. You and Nathan seem like really good parents, mA, and so I'm pretty sure Noah won't have to be corrected too often in school. This will be a good time for you guys to see how he likes preschool, and what works for him in terms of how he learns. Think of this time as a learning period for all four of you, and iA, whatever is best will work out. And in case it makes you feel better, when my older sister first started school, she would wave to my mom when she got on the bus. But after about a week, she just ran on the bus and didn't wave anymore. The first time that happened, my mom called my dad at work and started to cry:) He told her it was because my sister was comfortable and confident now, but to my mom, it was that first milestone of having to let go. P.S. Awesome pics of your beautiful boys as always:) I didn’t read you yesterday,and I came here today, SPECIFICALLY to check in to see if you wrote about your thoughts on homeschooling — awesome! Wow. It sounds like there is a lot to think of and consider before you make a decision. It sounds like preschool is a good idea for now — especially for a boy– because it will socialize him and teach him a little bit about the outside world — away from play dates, and familiar faces of family. I get what you mean about school often having too many rules, but I was a little surprised about your take on language. You know that I don’t have kids yet, but I’m really tough on my nieces and nephews about how they talk to each other, and the words they choose to use to express themselves. I mean, fine, I laughed at the Noah “butt” posts, but only because Noah couldn’t see me;) I think that the language we use sets a standard for our behavior — what we expect of ourselves, and what others expect from us. You and Nathan seem like really good parents, mA, and so I’m pretty sure Noah won’t have to be corrected too often in school. This will be a good time for you guys to see how he likes preschool, and what works for him in terms of how he learns. Think of this time as a learning period for all four of you, and iA, whatever is best will work out. And in case it makes you feel better, when my older sister first started school, she would wave to my mom when she got on the bus. But after about a week, she just ran on the bus and didn’t wave anymore. The first time that happened, my mom called my dad at work and started to cry:) He told her it was because my sister was comfortable and confident now, but to my mom, it was that first milestone of having to let go.
P.S. Awesome pics of your beautiful boys as always:)

]]> By: Shawna http://www.thedaysarepacked.com/2009/07/27/a-treatise-on-the-trivial/comment-page-1/#comment-9165 Shawna Tue, 28 Jul 2009 16:47:40 +0000 http://www.thedaysarepacked.com/?p=1649#comment-9165 Specs, Thanks for the lengthy comment! I'm sorry you also had a difficult time with school. My dad's father was his principal as well. Yikes! He once got sent to his dad's office for swearing. Double yikes! I do have a lot of worries about this language issue. As I said in my post, I don't think kids should be mistreated as a part of school. I do worry that Noah will inflict cruelty or make a way for anxiety to creep into the hearts of his peers. As far as I know, he only directs his potty mouth at authority figures. Um. Triple yikes! I think he will ultimately prefer home, but the thing is, I do want that time with Gabriel that you're talking about. And Noah does want his own time for learning. I'm happy for all of us that we have this option! Alhumdulillah. :) Specs,

Thanks for the lengthy comment!

I’m sorry you also had a difficult time with school. My dad’s father was his principal as well. Yikes! He once got sent to his dad’s office for swearing. Double yikes!

I do have a lot of worries about this language issue. As I said in my post, I don’t think kids should be mistreated as a part of school. I do worry that Noah will inflict cruelty or make a way for anxiety to creep into the hearts of his peers. As far as I know, he only directs his potty mouth at authority figures. Um. Triple yikes!

I think he will ultimately prefer home, but the thing is, I do want that time with Gabriel that you’re talking about. And Noah does want his own time for learning. I’m happy for all of us that we have this option! Alhumdulillah. :)

]]> By: Specs http://www.thedaysarepacked.com/2009/07/27/a-treatise-on-the-trivial/comment-page-1/#comment-9148 Specs Tue, 28 Jul 2009 03:41:59 +0000 http://www.thedaysarepacked.com/?p=1649#comment-9148 Wow, this one made me think about my school days! Personally, I'm with you there. School almost destroyed me, I kid you not. my mother was principal and it KILLED me. I did something good, the other kids said I got grades because of my mother. I did something else good and the teacher picks on me or benches me because she hates my mother. I HATED school. I actually used to go to school and climb up a tree. No one could find me there and as far as my mum knew, I did come to school that morning. God I hated hated hated that place! It seems a lot of your worries stem from the language issue. But isn't telling a kid not to use a bad word to hurt others the same as telling them not to hit other kids? its just a different form of expression. I read you where you state you hate language police but how does one make a 3 year old understand the concept of 'hurt'? @ Montessori: If Noah is high energy, he's going to do great in a Montessori, Insha'Allah. But truthfully, if I was Noah, I'd prefer mama to school!! But you have to see if dealing with a high energy kid doesn't take too much out of you. Schooling kids IS exhausting specially one that's so young so are you sure he won't take some quality out of your Gabriel time? Wow, this one made me think about my school days!

Personally, I’m with you there. School almost destroyed me, I kid you not. my mother was principal and it KILLED me. I did something good, the other kids said I got grades because of my mother. I did something else good and the teacher picks on me or benches me because she hates my mother. I HATED school. I actually used to go to school and climb up a tree. No one could find me there and as far as my mum knew, I did come to school that morning. God I hated hated hated that place!

It seems a lot of your worries stem from the language issue. But isn’t telling a kid not to use a bad word to hurt others the same as telling them not to hit other kids? its just a different form of expression. I read you where you state you hate language police but how does one make a 3 year old understand the concept of ‘hurt’?

@ Montessori: If Noah is high energy, he’s going to do great in a Montessori, Insha’Allah. But truthfully, if I was Noah, I’d prefer mama to school!!

But you have to see if dealing with a high energy kid doesn’t take too much out of you. Schooling kids IS exhausting specially one that’s so young so are you sure he won’t take some quality out of your Gabriel time?

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